Why is it funny to yell dirty things at women walking on the road?

[stinglikeabee]

In Year 9, our history class were split into debating groups for a day. My group was assigned to represent Ancient Sparta, and to engage with the Ancient Athenians in spirited arguments on which society was superior. Unlike other debates we were not given any extra time to prepare our statements and had to come up with speeches on the spot. The other group had concentrated on emphasising Athen's cultural superiority over their admittedly barbaric-seeming neighbours. Most of my group had resorted to threatening the Athenians with war in their speeches. If 300 had been out at that time, I'm pretty sure our guys would have ripped their shirts open and beat their chest, such strongly was the testosterone in the room. I was second to last and delivered a short speech on the importance of military might over political will (haha!), reminding the Athenians there were Spartan spies in their midst for their own benefit. Scary, huh?

Anyway once everyone had a go, our teacher decided instead of allowing each group to give a rebuttal each we were allowed to take turns to say anything within 60 seconds. For all the wannabe debate moderators out there, this is a BAD idea. Right from the get go the verbal swipes were vicious. Athenians are hypocritical imperialists concerned only with trade and care not for Greeks. Spartans are aggressive animals that deserve to be wiped out by the Persians. Just before it descended into a fist fight, I spoke up for the Spartan women and sneered that we could go out of the house without a chaperon and with no fear of being molested. There were appreciative whoops from the audience, and a shamefaced opposition whose only answer was a hand reaching for my throat.

How flippin' sad that I can't say the same for today. Cripes. I would love to walk around LA without constantly running into someone wolf-whistling or catcalling. It's not a cultural thing, please don't give me that line. I've been catcalled and eyeballed like a piece of meat in white bread suburbia, Chinatown,  in the financial district of Downtown LA, and even the beach cities. Here, every time I walk to the shops or the post office I have to bring along my mp3 player or try my best to avoid the calls.

If it isn't random whistles, it's the scary drive-by leer (when the car slows down so the driver won't have to take his eyes off you, even if he has to look over his shoulder to do so), or the truly stupid shouts. Today within a 15 minute walk I had four catcalls. Four! Some young blond guy had the gumption to lean his entire head out the window of his pickup and yell 'WHOO, BABY! BAD GIRL!' while the light was still green. I watched in alarm as he tried to swerve in order to avoid hitting the center divider.  Mind you, I was wearing a long sleeved dark shirt and dark baggy jeans. Just exactly what part of me was a bad girl?

It really makes me think all men are scum, it really does. They may think its funny or appreciative to make lustful glances in this way, but it's upsetting. One year when I was waiting for a friend to pick me up, a jeep drove by with three college-aged guys who asked how much I was charging as a ho. There is no end to my embarrassment and humiliation at being singled out by a bunch of stupid men in this way. You would think someone would have taught them better. And at the end of it all, I feel incredibly confused and guilty. Why me? What did I do to deserve this sort of attention? No one needs to feel as if they exist for the sole purpose of entertaining men and I'm sick of it.

But what can we do, other than teach our brothers, cousins, nephews, friends not to perpetuate this behaviour? What can I do that will get the message across that I do not want to be part of this anymore? Where can I move to in order not be bombarded by the disgusting leers? Or should I just accept it as another unfair part of life and try my best to pretend it doesn't exist?

Comments

[parlance.livejournal.com]

{{{kitsune_stars}}}

But what can we do, other than teach our brothers, cousins, nephews, friends not to perpetuate this behaviour? What can I do that will get the message across that I do not want to be part of this anymore?

So difficult because I don't know if there's anything we can do other than talk to those closest to us... who may not be responsible for this kind of behavior in the first place. Because you want to tell them off, but as in the case where there are a number of them, you don't feel safe and you worry things will escalate if you dare to defend yourself.

I had an experience yesterday - someone yelling at me that I "looked good" from behind. I think he called me "Girl" too, which always makes me stabby. And when I ignored him, he kept yelling it. And I thought to myself, "he's about to get a verbal beatdown." But when I got closer to me and I could face him, all he said was "hi." Like he knew he was wrong, he just wanted to see what he could get away with with my back turned to him.

[stinglikeabee.livejournal.com]

Because you want to tell them off, but as in the case where there are a number of them, you don't feel safe and you worry things will escalate if you dare to defend yourself.

When I was 13, I thought as a feminist-grrl I had a duty to stand up and challenge these jerks to a fight. There were a couple of scary times where I spat in their faces and said really nasty things. I'm pretty sure the only way I survived at those times was because I was in public with people who could break up the fights. But why did I continue to take them to task? Because I was catcalled in front of my entire family by a greasy teenage biker and neither my dad or my uncle said anything.

Your experience illustrates these a-holes say these things just to get our goat and see if they get away with it. I've had guys laugh in my face when I furiously ask them why they think it's okay to remark on my breasts with little children present. And it's sad when no one else will back you up in those situations, where even the other women will say 'let it go, it's not worth it'. But yo know what, retaining some measure of dignity is worth it.

Gah that was a long comment.

[parlance.livejournal.com]

There were a couple of scary times where I spat in their faces and said really nasty things.

Oh, my.

neither my dad or my uncle said anything.

They should have had your back.

But yo know what, retaining some measure of dignity is worth it.

*nodding*

[stinglikeabee.livejournal.com]

They should have had your back.

I've come to the conclusion the men in my family talk a big game, but are naturally cowards. The women are the true heroes here.

BTW, have you heard about the student (http://ldragoon.livejournal.com/225628.html) who was assaulted by another man when she fought back against an attacker?

[parlance.livejournal.com]

Jeezus, how frightening. Rape Trail?!

[stinglikeabee.livejournal.com]

*nods* And there isn't an outcry from school officials regarding her reported assault. I wondered why no one makes a greater effort to make sure universities are safer for women.

[parlance.livejournal.com]

Yes, that's certainly the university's responsibility.

The comments in the original article were headdesking.

[parlance.livejournal.com]

This just came up as a topic of discussion in one of my comms:

http://community.livejournal.com/blackfolk/6136369.html