What Would Happen If...: I followed the Batman Exercise Regime?

[stinglikeabee]

Last year, I decided to finally get off my lazy arse and work myself into shape. Who knew exercise could be dangerous to one's health? Especially since my reward after a hard day's slog at the gym was a cheeky smoke in the garden.

It's now 9 months since my last cigarette and three days since I realised I still had to try and get fit. I may have lost a bit of weight, but the fat jiggling when I wave cancels that all out. What's a girl to do, eh?

Then I thought, why, if Batman can do it, so can I!*

*Completely forgetting said Batman is fictional. No more coffee at 3am for me.

Why select Batman as my fitness model? Because he's a mortal man who has, through willpower and determination, become the supreme example of what a person can accomplish. Utterly fascinated with this idea (for the umpteenth time, I might add) I reached for the Batman/Superman annual #2 and came onto the two pages where Batman trains a powerless Superman.

I started having doubts.

While this may look kinky on paper:



...I was pretty sure in real life this would be included in Gitmo's buffet of non-torture delights.

I couldn't help but notice much of Batman's 'training' included sarky comments and socking others in the gut. My murky mind also took the time to remember All Star Batman and Robin, where poor young Robin appears to be taking abuse in the name of said training. I quickly gave up on the Batman ideal.

But I was still curious. Just exactly what sort of martial arts moves would he study or employ the most? What's his daily exercise like? I hit up Metafilter and in answer to a question of what would Batman's daily workout be, a number of responses were to the 300 workout.

That did it. There's no way in hell am I ever going to venture into such brutal work without the help of pharmaceuticals, or something stronger, like magic.

In conclusion: seeing as how Batman is fictional, and I am not, any attempt into following a compiled Batman Exercise Regime based upon dodgy assumptions made from the comics and from various timelines would result in me dying a painful, idiotic death.

Probably explains why I enjoy Mark Millar's Kick-Ass so much :P

Comments

[smittenly.livejournal.com]

Haha, this post reminds me of a friend of mine who started exercising a couple of months ago for a comic con where she had a midriff-baring costume. Her ambition, as she put it, was "to be ripped like Batman!" This all makes me want to watch Batman Begins again, if only because Christian Bale is a yummy thing.

I've been trying to walk in the mornings, and occasionally venture to the gym for some leg presses, but other than that I can't stay consistent. But I'm inspired now - my new workout will rely solely on magic! XD

[stinglikeabee.livejournal.com]

Batman is scary ripped 0_o but any excuse to watch Bale in action is good enough for me! According to that movie, all I need is Liam Neeson (yum!) and ninjas in Tibet to be tough the Batman way :D

The magic workout, consisting of Samantha nose-twitches and I Dream of Jeannie bellydancing shakes in front of the television! I would buy that exercise DVD, hee.

[wayzgoose.livejournal.com]

Okay. I've put on a few over the past two years of inattention as well and am ready to start over. Here's one that I've done before with great results in just 12 weeks: http://bodyforlife.com/. Believe it or not, you really do come out looking like the bods in the pictures. Painful as it is, take the before pictures. You'll be glad you did. The best part of this was that it is only a half hour a day workout!

[stinglikeabee.livejournal.com]

Wow, thanks for the link. The pictures look hardcore. Everyone has defined ab muscles, hah. I'm definitely checking it out when I get to the bookstore tomorrow.

Right now I'm focusing on toning up and gaining stamina, so it's running and a bit of strength training for now. Squeezing that into thirty minutes a day is annoying, but better than nothing right? Good luck on starting over!